I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2022. I’d first noticed a lump in 2020, but I’d had a mammogram and the doctors had said not to worry. Then COVID hit, and I’m a nurse, so you can imagine how stressful that was. The lump wasn’t on my mind. But time passed, and the lump was growing – and it felt like it had a heartbeat. I got it checked out again and the news floored me.
My first reaction was fear like I’ve never experienced before. That first night, I went to bed crying and shaking. You know when you’re really cold, and you can’t stop shivering? It turns out, that’s what anxiety looks like. I lost control of my body. I don’t even know how I slept that night.
Those first days, I felt like I was in a tunnel and I couldn’t see the end. Fortunately, I soon got connected to a friend of a friend – a woman named Aza who lives in Spain – who had been through the same thing. We chatted via WhatsApp and something amazing happened: she brought me out of the darkness. She’d made it, so maybe I could. I’ll never be able to express how grateful I am for her. She brought me hope.
After that, I followed the path that Aza had set for me. I got a plan from my oncologist – chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and immunotherapy. Aza had told me what to expect at every step of the way, and she was right. I just had to follow her footsteps.
My husband Jordi is the other person who I get emotional talking about. He and I are alone here in Canada – the rest of my family is in Spain – so he was my only caregiver. He was incredible. I have no words to express it, not even in Spanish. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. And although it was difficult being alone, just the two of us, in a way, it made the journey extra special. It was me and him against cancer.
Losing my hair was difficult, but I invested in some beautiful wigs and now I have fun with it. Every day I look different. I attended the Look Good Feel Better (LGFB) skincare and cosmetics workshop and learned all these great little tricks, like how to apply eyeliner when my eyelashes have fallen out. It’s not something I felt I could ask my oncologist about, but it was important to me. Those little things brought me back my dignity as a woman, as a human being. I wanted to look beautiful – not just for my husband, but for myself. Jordi and I would go on weekly date nights, exploring different restaurants in downtown Montreal. We love Japanese food, Peruvian, or maybe steak and cheesecake, a glass of wine. I loved putting on my makeup and my wig and looking amazing – and feeling like just a regular couple out for dinner.
Even when I was feeling awful inside, being able to look in the mirror and to say, “Yeah, that’s me” – that was priceless. LGFB gave me this by teaching me how to feel good on the outside. LGFB teaches you how to pick a wig, how to mimic the look of eyelashes. These small things make a huge difference. It was a mental thing for me. I found that when I looked less sick, I didn’t feel as sick. Looking good was like a sunny day – it gave me a bit of energy, it gave me life. It made me feel good.
It also brought home for me how even in a tough situation, there’s always an opportunity to love myself. Maybe it’s the wig and makeup, or date night with my husband. Maybe it’s getting a massage to soothe my sore joints and muscles after immunotherapy, or doing some chair yoga. What better moment is there to show appreciation for my body by loving it?
