Just before the pandemic started, in January of 2020, my husband was diagnosed with moderate chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and atrial flutter, a type of abnormal heart rhythm. That put a damper on some of our usual activities, like travelling down south in the wintertime. And then, just a month or two later, I received my own diagnosis.
When I noticed blood in my urine, I went to my doctor right away. She did some tests and sent me for an ultrasound and then an appointment with a urologist. We live in Pilot Mound, south-west of Winnipeg, and I had to go into the city for the appointment. The urologist sent me to a kidney doctor, and after more testing, the diagnosis was confirmed: I had cancer in my right kidney.
I had an operation that September to remove my kidney, and everything was good for a while. The next summer, in 2021, I was out kayaking with my daughter. And that night, when I came home and went to the bathroom, I noticed a couple of drops of blood. Panicked, I called my doctor’s office and left a message. The receptionist phoned me back on Monday morning and told me to come in right away. And pretty soon I had a new diagnosis: uterine cancer. I had my second operation that December, to remove my uterus.
My brother passed away in 2013 from cancer, and he never had the chance to have surgery. He was gone within months – there was nothing the doctors could do. So each time I was diagnosed, I was grateful to have the surgeries available to me. I was given a chance, so I took it. I thought to myself, “OK, I’m going to have an operation, they’re going to get it all, I have a chance.” I believed with all my heart that I was going to beat it. When facing cancer, I believe in being positive and having a good attitude. And to keeping people around us who are positive, too.
After my surgeries, I had six rounds of chemotherapy. It wasn’t easy. After each treatment, I’d be good for two or three days and then it would hit me, and I’d be in bed for three or four days, completely exhausted and nauseous. I kept a journal throughout my treatment, noting how I felt every day – like the metallic taste in my mouth or the numbness and tingling in my leg. It affected me mentally, too. I’d have random moments where I’d cry a lot. And it just felt so wrong to be stuck in bed, unable to do anything. I’m not the type of person to just sit around. I’m a go-go-go type of person. I’m 73 now, and I love to keep active – kayaking, fishing, playing with my grandchildren, travelling with my husband, and taking care of my gardens. But these days I have less strength and I’m not supposed to be out in the sun.
Losing my hair during chemo didn’t really bother me. But I took the virtual Look Good Feel Better workshop on skincare and cosmetics, and that was wonderful. I needed some support – my skin was so dry, my head was hot, and my whole body was itchy. I loved learning about sunscreen, makeup, and how to do my eyebrows so they look realistic. The instructor was down to earth, and the tips were all practical. I was very pleased with it.
The workshop also helped give me a more positive outlook. And it brings me back to what I was saying before about attitude. I think it’s just so important to maintain that positive mindset – to be optimistic, to believe the treatment will work, and to know that I’m going to be good. If someone is a bit of a doubter, this type of workshop can give them hope. And everybody needs hope and a way to maintain a positive mindset when they’re going through cancer.
Shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I lost my job. It was the spring of 2020, and the bank where I worked was making major cut-backs due to COVID restructuring. I got laid off.
At first, it felt like everything bad was happening all at once: this blow to my career, my diagnosis, a lumpectomy with surprising and disappointing findings, and then a bigger surgery with a complicated recovery. It was a lot of shocks to the system all at once. But amongst everything that was going on, losing my job was actually the best thing, because it made it possible for me to focus on my treatment and taking care of myself.
Getting laid off also allowed me to do one of the things I’d been wanting to do, which was publish my first children’s book. I accomplished this while going through treatment. The book is called The Thing with Wishes, and it’s about being thankful for what we have. Even though we may have big dreams and big wishes, sometimes we have to look around and just be thankful for what we have right here, right now. The story was inspired by what I was going through.
In the classic Pinocchio, the song goes, “When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.” But sometimes, no matter what we wish, life just doesn’t turn out the way the way we imagined it. Getting cancer certainly isn’t in anyone’s plans or dreams. It was a long road for me – from getting diagnosed in June 2020 to finishing treatment in April 2022. I went through six rounds of chemotherapy, including a horrible allergic reaction to the treatment, and a month and a half of radiation. There were days when I was really down. I wondered if I’d get to watch my daughter graduate from grade eight, let alone from high school. Thankfully, I don’t think that way anymore. I’m focused on living every day of my life to the best that I can.
My husband, my 13-year-old daughter and I are huge Disney fans. We plan a trip at least once a year. In August we went to Disney World in Florida and looking forward to thrilling experiences helped me get through my treatment. Being a fan also helped me get through it. I know how to find the fun and the magic in an experience.
When I lost my hair during chemo, it was really hard. I’ve always thought of myself as a strong, confident, independent woman, but when I started to look sick, people started treating me differently. I didn’t like that. The Look Good Feel Better workshops helped me to not look like I was sick. I learned how to tie head scarves and how to apply makeup. And I had fun with it. When my friends asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I told them I wanted hats. And I received so many great ones – fun hats and fuzzy tuques and beautiful scarves and a funny Santa hat that I wore through the holidays. I would take silly pictures with the hats and send them to my friends. And my husband got me a fantastic tuque with long brown hair attached, pretty much like my real hair used to be, that I would wear to my daughter’s hockey games. I might have felt different, but I managed to have fun with it and to boost my confidence.
Because the thing with wishes is, it’s not the big dreams and wishes that are most important, but gratitude for what we have right in front of us– like great friends, an amazing husband and daughter, and a funny hat that makes me smile.
As men, we often don’t ask for help. It’s just the way we are, or maybe the way we grew up. That’s definitely how I was raised – to be strong, tough, and self-reliant. So sometimes we stick to ourselves and don’t reach out, even when we need support. Luckily, I’m a big believer in always learning and evolving. And going through cancer, I realized how much I needed support and a community. Whether it was my friends and family, my hockey community, a psychologist, or the Look Good Feel Better men’s workshop, I finally figured out that I don’t have to do this – or life – on my own.
I’m an accountant but a big part of my life right now and my biggest passion is refereeing hockey. I ref all kinds of hockey games, from men’s teams to junior teams, and I mentor young kids who are getting into refereeing. I started off as the referee coordinator for our community back when my son was a kid playing hockey. When he was old enough, I asked my son if he wanted to try it out as well. Now he’s 21 and a higher-ranked official than I am. Sometimes we get to be on the ice, reffing together and I love it. Being a ref has kept me in the game and taught me a lot about myself – how to deal with difficulties, how to make decisions quickly and to stand by them, and how to continually challenge myself and improve. I’m always learning on the ice, whether it’s from a 13-year-old ref or a 65-year-old one, or just a unique situation.
When I got diagnosed with a small bowel neuroendocrine tumour and stage 4 liver cancer, I was devastated. The doctor was saying it’s not so bad, it’s manageable, it will be OK. She was so calm about it. She said that there was a treatment available and that if it didn’t work, we had other options. But all I could think about was how both my mom and my mother-in-law had died from cancer. I have two kids in their early 20s and a wife and a great life. The diagnosis kept me up at night.
I went ahead with the recommended surgery and then it was a matter of getting out of the hospital. I couldn’t wait to get back to my life and back on the ice. I had complications, though, and I ended up staying in the hospital for an extra two and a half weeks. I was on an IV and I dropped 30 pounds. I looked weak and some people thought I was on my deathbed. The doctors had told me I’d be back to my normal lifestyle in a couple months, but that wasn’t happening. And once I finally got out, I had more problems and complications, which had me in and out of the hospital for even longer. During this drawn-out process, I went through a period of depression. And I reached out for help, which was the best thing I could have done. I talked to people and now I have a team, including a psychologist.
I also attended a men’s workshop from Look Good Feel Better. For men, there’s not a lot out there – and like I said, we don’t always seek help when maybe we should. But when I heard about the workshop, I thought it seemed really interesting, and it was covering things I hadn’t paid any attention to – things like managing dry and flaky skin, shaving safely with less irritation, and managing hair loss. I figured the more knowledge I can get about things, the better. And the workshop was great. The presenter was really positive and fun. He shared a lot of tips and tricks and made them seem so easy. I found him extremely relatable and knowledgeable, and he was very open to questions and comments. Now I’m moisturizing and using a bit of cover-up on blemishes if I’m going out and just more focused on my appearance in general. For a long time, I didn’t care. But it helps me feel a little bit better, which is positive. It has become a nice routine and it has given me an opportunity to feel better about myself – to feel more confident. The whole aim for me is to get back to the way I was, and every little positive step helps.
The little things can make a big difference, and that’s why I talk about what I’ve been through. I tell young refs that I coach, about how depressed I was and how I got help. I want them to know that they should never feel shy to ask for help, and that they shouldn’t be a “tough guy” about it – we all need help sometimes.
If you catch me on the ice nowadays, you’ll catch me with a big smile on. Actually, I wake up smiling. I’m feeling really positive these days. Going through cancer taught me to enjoy every day. I don’t let things bother me as much anymore. I really appreciate time spent with my family and loved ones. It’s hard to explain, but my outlook is different now. It’s like every day is a new day, and I still get the chance to learn new things – which is an amazing thing. One of the most important things I learned going through cancer is to use the tools and to ask for help. Like I said, I didn’t grow up thinking that way – it’s something I had to learn firsthand. Use your full team. Lean on your community. Ask questions. And be happy – enjoy what time you have, because nothing is guaranteed.